he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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