No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
