I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
