Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
