oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
