Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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