we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
