so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
