now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
