I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
