you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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