you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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