my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
