i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
