if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
