I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
