please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
