i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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