I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
