i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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