I will die if light touches me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
