I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
