You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
