the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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