No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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