my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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