I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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