my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
