my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
