Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
