Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
