Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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