you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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