Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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