my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
