I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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