just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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