You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
