Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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