Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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