If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
