I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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