she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
