I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
