no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
