i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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