This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
