i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
