matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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