All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
