we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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