either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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