He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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