its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
