3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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